Made For Me

Freshman year of college. I had a boyfriend throughout my Senior year of high school. He was a year behind me in school. After I graduated he had to move with his family to Mississippi. I had no idea when I would see him again. I really thought I loved him, but we left things where we could date other people.

I did meet someone. He and I were hanging out most days, talking and getting to know each other. He was very nice. He even came home with me one weekend. Sadly, I just wasn't feeling the sparks. And, even more sadly, he is the one who introduced me to Dan. Ah yes, my Dan ... (sigh).

It was very hard for me to call things off with my Mississippi guy and move on to a new guy, and one day in my dorm room I was despairing over the situation. I remember sort of lying on the floor in my dorm talking to my suite-mate Jessica (who remains a dear friend today) about the situation and not knowing what to do. Then through my open window up on the 2nd floor I hear a voice call my name. It caught me off guard and when I went to the window I looked down and saw Dan. My first thought was, "Oh, now that's nice ..." I literally was stopped in my tracks. I stopped despairing, quickly found clothes to throw on over my leggings and shirt that were not wearable in the world outside my dorm room, and I ran downstairs to meet my Dan. Of course, he wasn't mine then, but he is now :)

I had found a sweatshirt and a pair of flannel boxer shorts (remember when it was somehow fashionable to wear boxers as shorts?) to throw on over myleggings and shirt that was too short to wear with leggings, both black by the way. I remember this because Dan and I then had a conversation about all the different shades of black in my thrown together outfit. We still laugh about it. I had lots of laundry to do at the time though so my choices were limited!

He had come to return my markers from the day we carved pumpkins with our friends. He was heading to work at the video store and stopped in on his way. We chatted for a while. I was a missions major at the time and during this conversation he mentioned he was interested in missions (points scored!). He didn't know I was a missions major. It was just a lovely conversation. We really laughed and joked a lot, mainly about my outfit. But, I will never forget the moment I saw him outside my window. He made everything else go away. From that point on I couldn't stop thinking about him, and it was only a matter of time before I had to let the other guys go.

"I'll Race Ya!"

Dan and I were coming in from getting ice cream the one night at the beach. I went towards the elevator because our condo was on the 7th floor. As the doors were opening for the elevator Dan says, "Let's take the stairs." I said, "You can take the stairs." So, he says, "I'll race ya!" I just laughed and got on the elevator with the guy who was waiting there with us.

So, I told the guy that the last time Dan and I raced down to the first floor (me on the elevator, him on the steps) he got out at the 2nd floor and pressed the button so I wanted to warn him. Well, we are approaching floor 7 and the guy says, "I bet he's on the 3rd or maybe 4th floor." I said, "4th floor if he's lucky ;o)." So, I say good night to the guy as I'm stepping off the elevator and what do you know! Here comes Dan around the corner saying, "Where ya been!?" just as the doors are closing for the elevator so the guy saw Dan too. It was so funny!!!! It still just cracks me up. I don't know how he made it up those stairs so quickly. It has to be the fact that his legs are about as long as I am tall.

"I'm so happy!"

That's Elijah, in the elevator, fresh off the beach. He had been playing in the sand and waves and just having a blast. Dan and my Mom were bringing the kids in for dinner and that is what he said. That pretty much sums it up :o)

I am definitely a mom now ...

So, we are at the beach. I grew up going to the beach. Oh yes. I was one of those girls you see walking on the "boards" with her BFF close by wearing almost the exact same outfit looking as cool as cool can be checking out the scene (boys) at the boardwalk. I could wear a bikini without an ounce of flab bouncing around. Those were the days ...

Nowadays, not so much. Don't get me wrong. I'm okay with that (kind of). I mean sure I would love to be fit and toned and flab-free, but I also know the body I have now is a result of my two precious babes whom I wouldn't trade in for the world. It's also a result of my love for sweets and salty treat, but that's besides the point!

My point is that this time at the beach I just knew I was a mom. Dan and I are no longer a "couple with a kid." We are a family. I'm not trying to be this or that. I was just hanging with my fam whom I love so much and making sure sand stayed out of eyes and food was put into little bellies. It is so much more about them than me now, and I love it that way. There is something sort of freeing about this and I like it.

Okay, but I would still like to be a little less flabby ;o) Oh, I think I was wrong though when I thought Ben & Jerry's ice cream didn't have calories when you eat it at the beach. I should probably go running or something ...

Vacation ...

Okay, a few thoughts from vacation ...

It was a fabulous time. We were right on the beach. I could roll over in the morning and look out at the ocean. I watched the sunrise over the ocean one morning from my bed. There's just nothing like it.

I don't know what it is about the beach, but looking out over the ocean you just feel like everything is going to be alright. Hearing the sound of the waves crashing on the beach and feeling the sand between your toes is so calming.

Of course, then you go out into the water and realize how powerful it is. I mean one riptide and you could be "outta here" on a one way ticket to heaven! ha ha ... I just thought that would be funny. Seriously though, the ocean can be so calming one minute and then so terrifying the next. But, I still love it.

God gave me many moments on this trip where I was just awe-struck. I was just stopped in my tracks praising Him for how far we've come this past year. We have had an extremely rough year and as of last month things seem to be on the up swing so this vacation was a great way to sort of celebrate that.

I had a moment where it was just me and the waves and it was so liberating. It was the first I was able to really go swimming in the ocean by myself (no children hanging on to me for dear life :) and I was able to just throw myself into the waves, ride the waves, and get washed under by the waves. There wasn't even anyone else around. It was so wonderful. I felt so free. I will treasure that moment forever. Words just don't do it justice.

Friends of ours gave us this trip. They allowed us to use their timeshare for a week. They are wonderful people and have been so generous to us since we moved here to PA. They truly leave us speechless with how thoughtful and generous they are at times. It was a Christmas gift so we have been looking forward to this trip for months and months. It's kind of hard to believe it's actually over, but it was a great way to end our summer and look forward to starting out a fresh school year.

One weird thing is that it seems we drove home right out of summer and into Fall. There is Halloween stuff up in Target already and we drove past a pumpkin patch on our way home! I mean it's not even Labor Day yet!

The Notebook (Darn Movie!)

I cried at the beginning of this movie! It made me think of Dan so much and the way we were in college. We were CRAZY over each other and spent every possible minute together. We had so much fun. And, I cried because I do have such a loving caring husband. When I am sick he just wants to take care of me, serve me, love me through it and sadly many times I send him away because when I'm sick I just want to be left alone :P My husband truly is the sweetest man I know.

So many times life gets the better of us. We get so into our work, the house, the kids, that we forget to savor life, to relish in the little things. We begin to take each other for granted. So, I cried too because of how distracted we let ourselves become. Don't get me wrong. Dan and I still have a great time and laugh a lot, but I do miss the days when life was just simpler. There was nothing to do but study and hang out together.

I also cried because I know that Dan would not leave my side if I were to lose my mind. I already have to some degree :P and he's been with me all the way. Some may have turned away and told me I was crazy. He is just so patient and understanding. I seriously don't know why God chose to bless me with such a man.

I don't usually gush over him in such a public type setting, but I couldn't help it. I hate that movie. It made me an emotional wreck! Thanks a lot to Kerry who made me watch it ;o)