I am having a lazy day today.
Why? Um ... just because I can really. I don't have a good excuse. I am just being down right lazy. I'm still in my pjs, drinking coffee. I stopped short of snuggling back in my bed again. It is calling to me, but the idea of a coffee spill in my bed doesn't thrill me.
Instead I am nestled on my big comfy chair in the living room.
Elijah loves the computer (admittedly, so do I) so I am taking advantage of the time I have while he plays.
So, besides my feet being a little cold I am quite happy.
I am realizing more and more how much things have calmed down in my life and I am being careful to not take it for granted. All the while enjoying every second of it.
Last year around this time we were running to appts at least every two weeks, or more, depending on sudden vision loss.
Me oh my, those were hectic stressful days.
Dan was swollen and puffy from all the prednisone in his system. We have pictures from his last Birthday and you would hardly know it was him. It's nice to see his face slimming down a bit.
Prayerfully, things will stay calm on that front.
I have been reminded lately too of how much my anxiety got out of control during that time. It got to the point that even a simple doctor appointment for the kids sent me into panic mode. My stomach would be sick even at the doctor's office. I felt like I was going to throw up the one day while the doctor was talking to me. I almost had to tell him I needed to step out. My heart was racing and I just felt awful. I didn't realize why this was happening. I have always been a nervous person, but this was getting ridiculous.
When your life slowly gets crazy over concern for a loved ones health these types of things can creep up on you. I'm glad I know this now. I feel better prepared for myself and better equipped to minister to others who might be in similar situations.
So, back to my life being calmer these days. My baby is turning 4 this month. 4! How did that happen? He is the sweetest boy I know, so huggy and smiley and bright in the sense he lightens people's days. He is super friendly and puts smiles on people's faces wherever he goes. I especially love when elderly people talk to him in the store because he makes them smile and brightens their days.
With him being 4 he is becoming more and more independant so my days aren't filled with crying, feedings, diaper changing, etc. I mean sure he cries at times, and he definitely needs to be fed, but it's simple. And, he's going to go to K4 in the Fall (excuse me while I hyperventilate). It's for 3 hours in the morning for 4 days a week. I know he will love it which is why I am sending him, but I also know I can still change my mind at any time.
All this leads me to, "Now what?" I mean, free time on a regular basis? What does that even feel like, look like? For years now it's been all about babies, but now that I don't plan on having more it's just a weird feeling.
I am sure the "free time" will fly by on those days. I will definitely keep doing my Bible Studies which keep me busy. There is always plenty of laundry, housework, etc. I just feel things changing (in a good way I think), and it's weird.
I will say this though, during those hours of free time I will do my best to not turn every day into a lazy day like today ... I will try anyway ;)