Sunday, April 19, 2009

Stronger after Battle

Dan and I have been through a lot in the last 4 years ... a lot. We seem to be nearing the light at the end of the tunnel at this point though. And, while I am always a bit hesitant to say that because we never know what tomorrow may bring, I am happy to say I feel stronger.

I feel as though we have been through battle. Boy oh boy does it feel like we are emerging from battle. So, while feeling somewhat wounded, I definitely feel stronger.

Here's an example. I am a crier. It does not take much for me to cry. I watch people say good-bye at the airport and I cry. If I see someone crying, I cry. I think about Madelyn going away to college and I cry. It just doesn't take much for me to cry. It never has.

But lately I've noticed I don't cry as easily. I am stronger.

Recently, Dan and I were watching, of all things, American Idol. This is funny because we don't even watch American Idol. We barely watch tv. We had exercised together though and while cooling down he turned the channel to AI. I know enough about AI because I have friends who watch it so I knew about Danny and how his wife died.

So, I said to Dan, "Isn't that sad? He is on AI now and he can't even share that with his wife? What would we do if we didn't have each other to come home to and share things about our lives with?"

Then I looked over at him and he had tears in his eyes! My dear sweet husband. I love him so much. He had tears! I said, "Are you crying??"

I loved it. We were laughing because he said, "Yes!" and something about being super sensitive now. I said, "And I think I am stronger!" He said, "It's a good thing because your husband is a big baby (or something to that effect)."

It was so sweet and funny and we laughed and hugged and all that good stuff.

All that to say, God has taught me a whole bunch, and though we were deep in the trenches at times I have somehow emerged stronger.

On the way home from church today Dan and I were discussing what we have been through and how we should write down our accounts of all that has taken place. Life just keeps going and I want to always remember what God has done in our lives during this time and all that He brought us through. Plus, I think it will be interesting to read Dan's perspective on things compared to mine.

So, this will probably be my forum for writing these accounts. It will just be easy for me this way I think. It's already emotional for me to think back even to those earlier days when it was all just beginning. (I said I was stronger. I didn't say I was no longer a crier.) But, I think it will be good, therapeutic even.

So, stayed tuned. Hopefully, it will be somewhat interesting for my 3 readers to read. I certainly hope it won't chase away my few readers. That would be tragic.

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